Along The Way With Dottie Stay

Waiting to be taken back to the OR at 5:30 in the AM Mostly drugged and smiling out the window at my family.   Being without my Dro sucked so bad. When I was checking in that morning a nurse said to be  "You should try having a baby without your spouse.  That is what's really hard."  I wanted to punch her in the face.  Little did she know that I did have a baby without my spouse, and this was way worse.  I promise lady!  May May and Dro looking in on me.  May May and Dro sitting outside my room All of my boys  These are my sweethearts! I had a huge friend and my family outside my window!  "Do you need to make?" Truffle Shuffle I lived through the surgery! My girls!! Dro had this sign made for me.  So amazing! Work friends are amazing!!!! When your friends know you so well! I need unicorns and rainbows in my life! Thanks Chantelle! This is one of my many kissy face b

I haven't wanted to write anything lately.  At first I felt really gung ho about it, but now I feel like I don't even want to talk about anything.  Which is fine I think.  There are a lot of feelings and emotions I have felt that I can't put into words.  I have been seeing my therapist weekly.  That has been an improvement.  There are just so many weird emotions and thoughts that have taken place with me.  I don't really know where to file them.  I feel like they need to be processed and talked about, and therapy has been a great outlet.   Deron is amazing and I can talk to him about anything.  I think he is getting exhausted with me though.  Which I don't blame him for.  I want him to open up about his thoughts and feelings through all of this.  We have just kind of blazed through, and then we are left with a mess to clean up and pieces to put back together and we both have just been in survival mode.  He doesn't want to share things with me because he doesn

The Last Few Years So should I just type all swear words or……….?? Kidding.  I actually don’t know where to begin except to say that through all of this, I have had some high highs, some low lows, and just plain rock bottom.  BUT.  Good news is, there was a bottom.  I have thought a lot about how to explain this.  I knew that I had hit the hardest time in my life thus far, but I never felt like I just kept falling and I was doomed.  So.  I hit rock bottom, but not rock bottomless.  There’s a difference.  A huge difference.  Let me explain.  Faith. That sounds like an easy answer, but it goes much deeper.  Most of my life I would say that I have had faith.  When reading the Book of Mormon, Praying, Seminary going, church going, Temple attending, I have never needed an angel to visit me and slap me across the face and say…. This is True.  This is real.  The way that I feel the spirit (which is undeniable I might add, and not just a good feeling that I want to feel) is real, a